Blessing or Curse?

So, today I was offered what has to be the most incredible gift that one woman can give to another: to carry a child for someone else. Yes, my godson's mother actually said that she would be willing (pending certain medical conditions she has) to do this for us. I was and am floored. She didn't want money, just adequate help with medical coverage.

While acknowledging this moment as like *huge*, I couldn't also but help feel that she and the rest of the world are giving up on me. Yep, my insecure, infertile self immediately started feeling all the more determined that I will have children and, by God, I am going to carry them, get stretch marks, get fat and breastfeed until my nipples tickle my toes.

I'm not sure what to do with such an offer. Blanketed in her love and generosity is her need to lose weight and defeat the still-bothersome gestational diabetes issues. Now, as I think about it, I guess it was more like a cry for help on her part and I am not sure what to do with that. I can't lose the weight for her (believe me, I would be happy to lose 100lbs if she would carry a child through a healthy pregnancy for me--but, alas it don't work that way). Hmmm. This fertility adventure gets all the more complicated with each passing day...blessing or curse, I'm never quite sure.