Vocations...

Divine dictum...

I had an interesting meeting with my former dissertation director today. After wrestling with my dissertation research and my director for over two years, it was nice to finally get a gander at things from the driver's seat.

I have decided to write a book on my director's theology. I had long since planned to do this and even aimed for it in my dissertation. I didn't quite get there with the dissertation, so I figure I am free to pursue it now. It is something I have been chewing on for quite some time.

As always, this career goal is second in line to my pursuit of motherhood. As with much of my life, my goals go something like this "after I become a Mom and my child is going to school, then [fill in the blank with whatever goal is inspiring me at the moment]." Nevertheless, it was nice to sit down and look at this old, often irrascible priest and to realize that I had moved from the hot seat to the director's chair. As much as I wanted to perhaps lord this over him, I simply couldn't. After all those dreams of making his life hell for a change, I found I had nothing but respect for his life and for his vocation as a priest and professor. Now, that doesn't mean I have to like him, but I can respect him and his theology. And, that is a good feeling after all we have been through and also good for maintaining some enthusiasm about this project.

Much to my surprise, he hasn't always had it easy. His "climb to the top" of the academic world was not without its painful and isolating moments. In turn, I found it rewarding to clue him in on who I am and what I want to do. While he talked of traveling the world, celebrating liturgy in various countries, I simply told him that all I want to do is teach.

You see, I aim to be nothing more than a garden-variety professor who really cares about making classes interactive and relevant. It is refreshing to know this and to be at peace with it. I don't need a long list of publications after my name (though a few would be nice) and I don't need to be thought of highly or widely (though the nurse who weighed me the other day may indeed think of me widely). I have no need to evangelize or indoctrinate, I just want to teach: to watch students learn, question, perhaps even mature and change.

I don't feel the need to teach all nations, just whatever few happen to gather in the corner I occupy at any given time. And, I pray that there will always be two or three gathered in that corner and that the spirit of learning will guide our adventures...