Grey Hair Episode #2

Holy Mother worries...

At about 7 weeks into this pregnancy, I had a most scary bleeding episode. In hindsight, it wasn't much, but I was convinced it was the end of the end.

At my appointment two days ago, they enlightened me that one of my triple screen results was slightly elevated. Of course, they crouched it with admonitions that I shouldn't worry; but, let's be real folks. The cutoff for the AFP portion of the test was 2.5 and I measured 2.56. So, I got a speech about neural tube defects and my newly scheduled Level II ultrasound for tomorrow. Sure, I won't worry...NOT.

It's taken two days of intense anxiety to even be able to write about. I'm not sure how I will handle a true revelation of something negative. The likelihood is small, but...my anxiety has hit the roof. I've googled every possible medical report on AFP elevation and found grimacing outcomes. It could be something as simple as incorrect gestational dates (they do have me about six days behind where I really am). Or, it could be my hypertension. Or, it could be a result of the FET process (studies show irregular results after certain assisted reproduction techniques). Or, it could be an early indication of my proclivity for pre-eclampsia, pre-term delivery, low birth weight, intrauterine growth restriction, etc. Or, it could just down right be really bad, like spina bifida or anencephaly.

It's crushed my spirit in the meantime. I am holding my breath for tomorrow to hear something good. In addition to the difficult news, the doc said he thought I have a higher risk of gestational diabetes and so I have a test for that on tomorrow as well. I left there feeling very, very down by all of this.

It doesn't take much, granted. My capacity for handling pregnancy stress is low. I have so many fears that I didn't even have the first time around. The more you know, the worse it is. I wish I was young and very naive sometimes.

Here's hoping for some better horizons on tomorrow...