Memorials

Remembering...

As I moved through the day yesterday, the fourth anniversary of 9/11, I was taken back to that day and the memories that it evokes.

While being a day of unspeakable horror and tragedy, it was a day that made me realize who I was and what I wanted. As I watched this nation's large iconic buildings crumble, I realized how many facades in my own life had been seemingly inpenetrable but later crumbled. It was a humbling recognition of the many illusions in my life.

I scrambled home from my university job to call my darling not-yet-to-be hubby. Knowing that he worked in a post office gave me fear that he too would be harmed in some way. After all, the order and establishment we cherished was under attack.

After being assured that he was okay, and assuring my family back in Alabama that I was okay, I spent the day stunned by the unfolding events. However, my fear and shock took an unsual direction.

I realized that life is very, very precious and it can pass in the blink of an eye. I realized that I loved my darling Roy and didn't want to waste another day as anything other than his wife. If it were all to be ripped away and laid in rubble by terrorism, then I knew I wanted to spend the moments until that time with him. I wanted to endure all that this life had to offer with him and no other.

So, I gave up worrying about our age difference and the possible difficulties that it could pose. I gave up worrying about what other people would think. It is as if the tragedy of that day stripped away some of the useless convention that lingered in my mind and forced me to get real about many vital things.

I go back to that place often. Less than a year later, Roy and I were married and the next year we lost our triplet babies. Our life together has been marked by several national and personal tragedies. But, there is a gratitude and a drive that lingers, a life force driven by what I know to be good and right, whole and true.

That is my memorial to those who lost their life on 9/11: a vow not to forget and a vow not to take this life for granted. As Maya Angelou so poignantly wrote:

...You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise....