Ambling along life's shore

Sometimes life just feels like an all too long stroll down a winding lane. I try to impel myself with some hope each day, but it doesn't always hold out like I would like.

Big issues looming in my mind these days. I like my job, but I don't love it. After all, since high school, all I have wanted to do is to teach. I went the "extra mile" so that I could teach in a university or college and I am grateful I will get to do my first bit of teaching next semester. However, in the meantime, I push paper all day for those pursuing their academic dreams. It is hardly stimulating or challenging. Not that work is supposed to be fun but it would be nice if it was at least a good mental challenge.

I heard a colleague of mine talk about life as a balancing act: balancing all of one's loves. I certainly love being married and want to do that well; I love theology and want to teach it well; and most importantly, I love my maternal instinct and want to foster it in building my family. I would have never imagined the last love would be so elusive. After all, all good teenage girls are led to believe that if a sperm even enters the vacinity of an egg, then bam, a baby will be made. I think IVF sort of lulled me into this thinking as well. Our first two attempts were positive, so I hadn't really accustomed myself to seeing all these negative hpt's each month.

And, of course, I worry that we will have to move on to the FET and will spend over a thousand dollars to get embryos that perish in the thawing process. That's a frustrating thought. So, more and more I look to IVF as my solution. Of course, assuming this month hasn't worked...