Pondering...

Life is relaxed and fulfilling right now. I love being a Mommy and my three month old is a good baby. While he sleeps, I have free time to play on my computer, blog, and take pictures and edit them. In between these times, I scurry around and do house chores, take long daily walks, and converse with hubby.

I feel incredibly blessed by this time. So much of my life I have spent in a hurry: hurrying to get a degree, hurrying to finish work, hurrying to get pregnant, etc. I'm no longer running now, figuratively, and that is a good feeling.

But, I'm not as disciplined as perhaps I should be. There are so many other things I could be doing in my free time: writing an academic article, researching, or reading and keeping up with the latest in my field. Somehow these things don't feel like priorities right now and so I don't treat them as such. However, I have that nagging voice that likes to should on me--I should be doing this or that.

I'm getting good at ignoring that voice. Maybe the deafness comes with age? Or, maybe I'm just getting lazier? Maybe the loves of my life will all converge into a nice pattern, one that I just don't recognize in the making right now.

I had a friend who described life as a balancing act: that is, that we must all learn how to balance our loves/passions. This rings very true for me. Right now, I'd rather let the scale tip towards simplicty and self indulgence: motherhood, family, photography. Somewhere in the midst of the weight of that grace is the theologian intertwined quietly in the fabric of delight. One day she may find her voice again; until then, you'll find her behind a Nikon with a baby nestled quietly at her side.